part of why i'm so down

Part of why I'm so down ...

Perhaps I read too much outside of the official doctrine. That would explain some of my affinity for anything, and I mean anything, heretical. I've definitely not developed the eyes of, say, Noam Chomsky, which can scan pretty much any newspaper and find "something (incriminating) to talk about." So I rely on people like him, Vandana Shiva, Robert Fisk, Naomi Klein, Eduardo Galeano, Starhawk, Chris Crass (the list could and should go on, but I think you get the point) to help me analyze what's really going on.

For example, I have an accordion-style file folder that bulges with hard copy of articles by the likes of the aforementioned progressives. I've been collecting them for about five years, just the real good stuff, and of course I almost couldn't keep up around September 2001 and the subsequent war crimes we've unleashed on this tired planet. Now it's one or two a week; not that we've grown even a bit more civilized, but most articles either go straight to my head or hard drive, so both, I suppose, are dangerous territory.

A few months ago had someone been so kind as to say, "Kenny, you look down. Why?" I would've pointed to that file folder and suggested you start at F (Fisk). From there go to P (Pilger), and if you still have a stomach, go anywhere, but read C (Chomsky) last. It'll make more sense that way.

Lately, however, it's just been the stuff in my head, and I haven't had words to describe it. In fact, when a perceptive soul asked me that very question a couple weeks ago, I just sat there searching for a response and finally gave up. I now think I'm ready to try.

It seems there's little cause for hope. That's my general assessment. In particular, Dahr Jamail relayed a word picture (mother and child) that won't leave my head. It is literally sickening. I don't know what to do with this rage.